Wednesday, July 31, 2013

When life throws you lemons, try and make lemon aid

My husband & I created this blog together, so we could share what we've gone threw, and are currently going threw, as non-custodial parents. Both of our daughters (there are 3, 2 are mine, 1 is his), live with the other parent; so that others could possibly benefit from just knowing that there really are others out there, going threw the same thing they are.
  I have a set schedule with my daughters, as far as when I can pick them up, with times/holidays, ect. He doesn't. Its been a difficult challenge mostly because since we do barely see his daughter, compared to mine, the things that we do with the girls, as far as our way of life, and their way of life are completely different. My step-daughter's mom lets her get away with alot more then the average parent does, or should, and my daughter's dad doesn't give them the social life they deserve. The age range is 6-11. It makes life interesting, especially when we are blessed to have all 3 at the same time, however, so far, we haven't seen my step-daughter in a year after promises that were broken to see her a few times.
 The main issue we've been running into lately with my daughters is, my oldest is completely done with her dad, and wants to move in with us but understands that its not in the current finances to go back to court. My youngest, has been very unhappy that things aren't ran at our house the way they are at their dads, our rules are more strict, and we don't tolerate as much as he does. Their dad ignores their bickering, ect, by staying on his computer; my step-daughter's mom (from what we're understanding), sends her to grandma's, or an aunts for a couple nights to go out and party when she can't handle life.
 Its been very hard not being able to see the very youngest for so long, so it'll be more interesting the next time we see her.
 We've started a new idea with our 10 year old, where my husband wrote down the house rules, and punishments per rule that's broken, & if she's asked once to do, or stop doing something that's on the list, she's to go read that section out loud so everyone in the room can hear her. We're hoping that it helps her remember our rules are different from dad's, grandma's, ect, & so far its working! She's been fighting my husband's authority for about 3 years. We've been together 5, but married 2, and its just gotten worse since the wedding, which honestly neither of us expected. It was kind of the same last year, with the very youngest, but not as bad, simply because she knew daddy wouldn't put up with it.
 As it goes right now, things are "okay" between us, my 2 daughters, & their dad. Yes, it could be better, but at the same time, its as good as it'll get for now. Now, the way it stands, I'm the bread winner of the family because I am physically disabled, so I bring in that income. My husband is able to work, but because of his daughter's mom filing for food stamps, they required her to file to receive child support payments as well, which is no big deal (she is his daughter, after-all). At the time he was out of work due to the job economy, and because of her filing, she had to put in what "she thought he owed from the time they separated", it built up fast......then there was a couple weeks of jail time because of it, and since his daughter was born before a bill was passed about "no jail-time" but will get help with finding work so they can make payments, he got the short end of the stick. Now, since he's got a class D felony on his record from "non-support, child support", no job is willing to hire him. He just got a letter today stating that his probation has been revoked, and will have court soon that'll give him 120 days in jail, if he's lucky. Otherwise, they could let him out after the first few weeks if there isn't the room, or he could even be gone as long as 4 years. So, we're trying to work with my youngest now, before he has to do any time, so it won't be as hard on me then. But, I'm really hoping that someone out there reads this before anything happens to them, to understand, that if you do have a child, that doesn't live with you & you have to make payments, please make them? Its harder on the children to not see you, and in my case, to flip flop from house to house....if you can work things out with the other parent, yay! Kudos.
  I'm hoping that within the next year or so, I'll be able to talk my girl's dad into going joint custody, with specific times set that they're here, & its like that until I can afford a lawyer to change it completely. But, at this point in time, my husband's situation is so difficult, a lawyer would be way too expensive!
  We mostly just want people to understand who are in our shoes, to know, they're not alone!
 We'll be adding more to this, especially once school starts in a couple weeks. As of right now, our car broke down in January, so we've been relying on friends & family to pick up my girl's for our weekend/holidays with them; and that puts another damper on my husband not finding work either....no car, no transportation. Right now, we're going day by day, or week by week, we're not looking too far. I'll be posting more as time goes on, but for now....ta ta.

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